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What Makes You Cry?

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What makes you cry? I don’t know about you but as for myself I mostly cry over silly things.  I cry over several movies, TV series, books and even someone else’s drama in life. I can’t stop it, I can’t help it. It amazes me how easily my tears welled up for these kinds of things. It mortifies me most of the time especially when there’s people around. I could let my tears fall down uncontrollably in the sanctuary of my own room, but please not in public places! How I struggled to hide and control those teardrops when it unceremoniously fell down while watching a movie together with friends or reading a book in an open places.  It’s humiliating, but I learn the trick of acknowledging it when there are people around because it’s even more embarrassing if they caught you trying to hide it hahaha you get what I mean? But the irony of it all is the realization that I barely cry for myself, for my own troubles and complains in life. Save for the time when my mother died (I cried so hard to the point of hyperventilation), and when my dog got hit by a speeding van, I couldn’t bring myself to cry for myself! (kinda confusing huh?) Most people cry when they face trials and difficulties they think they can’t handle, but I’m an exemption. Though there are those times I felt like crying but these tears just won’t drop!  It’s ridiculously true. It’s just not me to shed tears over my own setbacks. Self pity, solitude, desperation, hopelessness, anxiety, disappointment, misfortune can bring me down but can hardly bring tears to my eyes.  Yet, when I feel these emotions from a character in a movie or book, these tears are just shameless! I begin to wonder if this is because of some chemical activity in the brain or just simply a psychological issue in my part? hahaha.  Its kinda weird really :).

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Lessons Well Earned

I’ve learned important lessons that I felt it too precious not to share. Last week, I lost a huge amount of money (huge by my standard anyway) which apparently not mine to begin with. My simple mission is to withdraw it from my own account and deposit it into another account from another bank. How simple could that be?  So I went ahead to withdraw the said money, but since I was not able to withdraw all of it because it max out the withdrawal limit (for ATM) for the day, I took only three quarters of the total amount . Deciding to do the transaction the next day, I went back to the office with the withdrawn money securely put in my jean’s pocket forgetting, which was my first mistake, to put it in my bag.

Here comes the end of office hours, as my friend and I were walking on the way home, we passed by a store that sells ukay-ukay (used clothes on sale) and I, by a decision based on impulse, decided we should stop by (my second blunder) to take a look at those garments that are on sale. Don’t you think it’s a bit baffling why they should put these things on sale when it should already be on sale because of the fact that these are already used commodities? (haha just a thought). Anyhow, we went inside and looked around, I found a denim shorts and I decided to try it on so I went inside the fitting room. And so to save you from enduring this dragging story lets go the shorter version of it: I remove my pants, the money fell out from my pocket without me noticing it, and somebody got in the room after I went out, I realized what happened when I was about to pay for that stupid shorts (haha bitter) and some blouses, but it’s a little too late, we could not found it where it’s supposed to have fallen.

I know some of you reading this could say maybe I lost it somewhere else, even the store owner/attendant thought the same thing, but I know exactly where I lost it because for the simple fact that I carried that money with me! right? I mean, can u feel me???  I wanted to cry but I just couldn’t coz even crying felt like such big feat to carry out at that moment, the catastrophe really left me shaken and weaken. How am I supposed to pay for that amount? And moreover, where can I find such amount straight away so that I can send it out the next day without delay? I couldn’t just say to the recipient that I could not send it because I lost it, could I? Because I know for sure, that money also has a deadline to beat! (if you get what I mean).  But then nothing more I can do about it, it’s gone, no use looking for something that cannot be found. I just want to move forward right away so that I can think straight and start looking for options to solve my predicament.

I called on to JESUS, my Saviour, my hope and my strength. You know, when you really believe and professed this faith that HE can do so much for you, He really makes you calm and composed in moment like this. Lo and behold! An hour after the incident I found the solution. My heart burst with gratitude in realizing how much He really can do for me in such a short time for such a dire need. Now I can send the money without delay! But am I totally relieved? No. I kept thinking how I let that huge amount of money gone with my unsolicited stupidity, now I’m stuck with debts because of it and leaving me financially drained out and barely having enough to get me through the next payday. Frankly I’m apprehensive, I’m worried. But then Jesus spoke to my heart once again when I attended the Sunday service the next day. Our Pastor was preaching this bible passage Luke 12:22-32. I was really blessed with that preaching and was amazed how appropriate it was for my situation. What’s in that passage? Jesus mention “do not worry” and “do not be afraid”, how fitting is that?

Here are the things that I really learned from this experience:

  1. Do Not Worry

Our Pastor emphasized that Jesus does not condone laziness and carelessness by obeying this but instead putting your trust and faith in Him in what you have and in all that you have. And I say worrying will hinder you from seeing the things that He needs to show to you. If I haven’t been able to cast my worries away, I would not have let my heart be opened and I would have missed these important lessons He is trying to teach me thru this experience.

  1. Do not be Complacent

Please know that I’ve been doing that “mission” I previously talked about for the longest time. People who really knows me can attest that I can be trusted to do such thing because I’ve more than proved it to them and to myself as well that I know how to go about it without compromising the money.  For the longest time nothing untoward happened every time I do such transaction and because of that I became complacent. I didn’t realized until this experience that I wasn’t as careful and vigilant as I used to be and I blame it for being arrogantly relying on my own strength, instead on HIM who gives us strength.

  1. Giving Joyfully

I confess that when it comes to tithing I have not been consistent. I give tithes only when I have more than enough, I hold back when I only have enough and I completely forget about it when I barely have enough. This is one of those times when I barely have enough, so should I forget about it? No. Barely having enough is still having something and is better than nothing, right? And I’m utterly blessed that I still have something. With a joyful heart, I was able to pay tithes without hesitation and regret in my heart. It really felt good doing that! Jesus is teaching me to give joyfully even during financial constraints. Wow, that was truly liberating!

  1. Every penny counts

This is also a wakeup call for me to seriously manage my finances. After counting of what was left of my salary, I wonder, how can I make it through the next payday with this budget? Then I started adding up my daily total expenses and was astonished on how little I have to spend daily if I stick to what is necessary. Moreover, I can still save a few if I really put my mind and heart in doing it! It opened my eyes on how much I actually have and totally forgetting how much I lost.

After absorbing all these things an amazing feeling started to creep inside me, a sense of fulfillment, and it blooms to a full rejoicing! I can relate this feeling to the time when I get the highest score in a major exam or the time when I saw my board rating. I feel so overwhelmingly blessed! Some of you might be skeptic. How can you rejoice with your own stupidity? You see, when you look at things that way you fail to see how God works to discipline you, to rebuke you. If you do not open your heart you are blocking Him from speaking to you. Experiences like this do not just come about without a purpose and for you to fully grasp that purpose, you only have one name to call, and the name is JESUS.

How about you? Did you go through similar situations? What do you think Jesus is trying to teach you?